


Lonely One

by falleraatje



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falleraatje/pseuds/falleraatje
Summary: Bella shows up at the bar Rosalie works at after she broke up with her boyfriend. Rosalie can't help but help a cute girl out.
Relationships: Rosalie Hale/Bella Swan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 137





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is by no means meant to be taken seriously. Everyone appearing in this might be slightly out of character. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.
> 
> All chapters are fully finished and just need to be proof-read, so I expect to post new chapters within a few days. There will be four chapters in total and maybe a short epilogue. 
> 
> This work is dedicated to my lovely friends L and C - you inspired me to write again, and I hope you like this little love story.

It was a slow night at Pete's Inn. Apart from a few regulars, the bar was mostly empty. There was a football game going on in the background and the few occupants roared over the commentator's voice most of the time. I tried to drown them out as usual and concentrated on cleaning the already shiny countertops. At least it gave me something to do.

It was a Wednesday and since most of the college students had not returned from summer break yet, I wasn't expecting it to get any more crowded for the rest of the night. I sneaked my phone out under the counter and checked the time. It was only 9 pm, still hours to go until closing. 

When I looked up again, there was a girl sitting at the bar. I fumbled with my phone, hoping she hadn't seen it. Peter didn't like employees to be on their phones during shifts, no matter how few customers were there. 

I smoothed out my wavy blonde hair and headed over to her. "Can I get you anything?" I gave her my best customer-service smile.

She looked up and I immediately noticed the aura of despair that had settled around her. Her face was slightly flushed, but she didn't look drunk. There were dark circles under her eyes. The typical student look, but with the added blotches around her eyes and nose that made me assume she had been crying not too long ago. She was still pretty though, her long brown hair framing her heart-shaped face. 

She looked up at me with brown eyes that seemed slightly too big for her face. _Bedroom eyes_ , my subconscious whispered, but I shut that thought down immediately. This girl was a customer and she looked far too young to be in my bar, let alone in my bed.

"Something strong?" She sounded a little unsure of herself, her words almost tumbling over each other.

I remembered that I'd asked her what she wanted to drink. On second thought, she really looked awfully young. "Sorry, honey, I'm gonna need to see that ID," I said. "Even if it's a fake one, it's policy." I flashed her another smile, more genuine this time.

She started rummaging around in her purse. "No need for a fake ID. I'm officially legal as of today." She handed me the little plastic card. 

I noticed how cold her hands were when she touched me. It was still quite warm outside, so I wondered where she had been before she came here. Then, the meaning of her words settled in. "It's your birthday and you decided to come here?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "Not to shit-talk this noble establishment, but I figured you kids would prefer something a bit more modern." I rarely made this much small talk with new people, but she didn't seem to mind my chatter so far.

"It was a spontaneous decision," she said quietly and let her gaze wander down to where hands were tapping away nervously on the counter. I hated people fidgeting. For some reason, I didn't mind today.

"Well, I guess when you're young you're supposed to make dumb decisions." I regretted those words immediately. My friends had often playfully called me a stone-cold bitch, which wasn't one hundred per cent untrue. Like right now, when I was lacking the common decency not to be condescending to a girl who had heartbreak written all over her face.

I handed her ID back to her – it presented her as Isabella Swan. A pretty name. Then I turned around to fix her a drink. Nothing too strong since I wasn't sure if that would actually be her first drink, but I made sure to add a little umbrella as decoration on top. 

"Have at least a little birthday celebration," I encouraged her and nudged the glass over to her.

In this moment, one of the regulars called out from their booth. "Hey, Rose, we'll have another round, Sweetheart!" 

"I'll be right over!" I yelled back and only when I turned around to fix their drinks, I dared to roll my eyes. Sweetheart. Did I look like a sweetheart to them? I'd had to teach them early on that being blonde and pretty was no invitation for sexual harassment, but their rude language was something that I wouldn't change. Peter let me get away with a lot, but being rude to customers had its limits. Being called Sweetheart by weird old men was something that just came with the job, apparently.

By the time I had dropped off the beers and cleaned a few tables, the girl, Isabella, was still sitting in her place, staring at a now half-empty glass. 

"Do you like it?" I asked and gestured towards the drink. 

"Oh, yes, it's good." She chugged the rest of it. "Can I have another one, please?" 

"Sure." I was not used to having such polite customers, unless they were trying to flirt with me. I caught myself pondering that I wouldn't mind her flirting with me at all, but I quenched that thought immediately. I had to at least hold on to the illusion of professionalism.

Once Isabella had her second drink in front of her, I went back to my useless cleaning, watching her from the corner of my eyes occasionally. She drank a little, but most of the time, she was just staring straight ahead at the bottles of liquor that were lined up at the back wall of the bar. She seemed to be very far away from reality. It was probably not good to let her wallow in self-pity. That was how I reasoned with myself when I approached her again. It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that I’d always found quiet, thoughtful girls incredibly attractive.

"Now tell me, Isabella," I began. 

Her eyes widened and she snapped out of her daydream. "Just Bella," she corrected me. 

"Bella.” That sounded even prettier. Beautiful. “What actually brings you here? It's not really a neighbourhood you should be frequenting all on your own." 

She looked up at me and bit her lip. I couldn't help but think that I wanted to be the one to bite that full, red lip. Taste her mouth, and then - no, better not go into that. I tried to rid myself of those dangerous thoughts.

"I guess I just ended up here. I walked around for a while until I saw this bar, and then I thought, why not get drunk after all? I am supposed to be partying, right?" The last part made her sound a little like a stubborn child. 

"I wouldn't exactly call this a party." I looked around the dimly lit room. "Unless you always imagined your guests to be at least fifty and more interested in a football game than in you." 

"You still look good to be in your fifties," she mused. 

It took a moment to sink in, but then I let out a huff of laughter. "I didn't mean to include me in that equation. Do I really look that old?" I made a show of trying to feel my face for wrinkles and checking my hair for any grey streaks.

Bella's mouth curved upwards a little. "No, not _that_ old."

"Thank God. I feel like they only let me keep this job because I am pretty." For some reason, cheering her up had become my ultimate goal for the night, and making fun of myself seemed to be a good way to achieve that.

"That's probably not the only reason. You're pretty good at making drinks, too. Can I have another one, please?" 

I gave her a quick once over. She didn't look too tipsy yet, but the red tint on her cheeks had intensified and her eyes were slowly starting to glaze over. I really had no intention of getting her drunk, which would probably make her even more miserable the next morning. "Are you sure? Maybe you should take it a little more slowly." 

"Please?" She looked up at me from under her lashes and wow, her eyes were really pretty. "I just want to forget about everything." 

Right this moment, I felt so sorry for her that I wished I had a way of simply making all of her sorrow vanish. "It's not going to make you forget, Honey," I said softly. "Maybe for a little while, but then it will come back again full force and it's gonna be way worse." 

Bella sniffled a little at that and buried her head in her hands. Her words came out muffled and I had to shuffle closer to be able to make them out properly. "But I don't know what else to do."

I shot a quick glance around the bar, but nothing required my immediate attention. I could focus on her completely. "Tell me about it? Talking about stuff usually helps, and there is no risk of me spilling your secrets to anyone." 

She hesitated and raised her head slightly. I desperately wanted to smooth down the silky brown strands of hair that were standing up around her face, give her some form of comforting touch, but that would have been entirely too inappropriate.

"Trust me, you wouldn't be the first one to confide in a trusty bartender." Although I usually didn't actively encourage it, some people just tended to get their whole life story off their chest as soon as you put a beer in front of them. "And believe me, you are not the only lonely one who has come around here."

She sighed and shifted slightly on her chair, leaning closer to me. "I broke up with my boyfriend tonight.”

Boyfriend. There it was. Of course, I shouldn't have expected anything else. There was no way that I would actually have a chance with her. "Why did you break up?" I asked when she didn't continue right away. 

"He… I…" She took an audible deep breath, probably to steady herself. "I came home early from work today because I wanted to surprise him. I knew he was planning a secret birthday surprise for me and I just couldn't wait to see him. I thought he would be happy to see me, too, but…" Her eyes filled with tears and I handed her a tissue, not daring to interrupt. 

"I found him there with another girl, making out on _our_ couch. I couldn't think straight. I think I said some awful things, told him it was over and then I just bolted." She was covering her face again. "I walked around town for ages until I found this place. Felt as good as any place to get drunk at." 

"That's awful. He's a total dick." I just couldn't believe how anyone could do something like that to Bella. She seemed so sweet and innocent and she certainly didn't deserve that. Nobody did. 

Bella nodded and took another tissue to dab at her eyes. "I should probably call him and apologize," she muttered. 

"What?" I asked incredulously. "He cheated on you _on your birthday_. Why the hell should you apologise to him?" 

"As I said, I screamed some horrible things at him. He didn’t deserve that. And he was so sorry, you should have seen him. Said he didn't mean to do anything, he just couldn't help it. He said it could never happen again because he was thinking of me the entire time." 

I rolled my eyes inwardly. Had I ever been this young and naïve? "Sorry to burst your bubble, honey, but men lie, especially when they get caught in an uncomfortable situation. Do you really think you could ever trust him again after this, without second guessing? Any time he says he's going out to meet his friends, you’ll suspect he’s meeting another girl…" 

She seemed to be thinking about it. "But I love him. What would I be without him?" 

I snorted. "You'd probably be better off." 

She shook her head. "I can't be. He was always so good to me." The longing on her face was almost unbearable.

"He was. You said it yourself, it's in the past." I doubted that I could talk any sense into her, but hell, I would try. That guy sounded like a total douche and I would do anything I could so she wouldn't come crawling back to him, only to get hurt again. "Think about it." I said softly. 

"Rose, Sweetie?" I cursed inwardly at the shout from the back of the room. I’d almost forgotten that I was at work and that I had other customers, too. "Could you get us some shots, and another beer for Mick?" 

"Of course, I'll be right there." I watched Bella silently as I prepared the drinks. Emotions were running wild over her face, so I couldn’t pinpoint what she might be thinking about. I picked up the tray and made my way over to the booth to drop off the round of drinks. On my way back to the counter, I collected some empty bottles and glasses.

When I got back, Bella was looking down again, her brows furrowed in concentration. I took a step closer and once again felt the urge to roll my eyes at her. “Are you kidding me?” Without thinking, I snatched her phone from her hands which clearly showed a picture of her and some guy, arms around each other and laughing at the camera. 

“What…?” Her eyes were brimming over with tears. She really had that whole damsel in distress look down to a tee. 

I put the phone down on the counter, the screen facing downwards. “Look, my boss probably wouldn’t endorse his employees stealing from patrons, so I won’t keep your phone from you, but as a general rule, it might not be a good idea to be bawling your eyes out over pictures of him.” 

Bella made no move to retrieve her phone, so I assumed that thankfully, she wouldn’t call the manager to complain about my unprofessional behaviour. She didn’t seem like the type anyway, but you never knew. “We were so good together,” she said, talking more to herself than to me. “How could he do that to me?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know yours, but most guys are just dicks in general. That’s why I keep away from them as a general rule.”

Bella scrunched up her nose in a really cute way. “Doesn’t that get lonely?”

I had to turn around for a second and busied myself putting away clean glasses so she wouldn’t see my giggles. Her innocence was kind of cute. I decided to see if she would figure it out on her own. “Not as long as there are alternatives,” I remarked.

“Alternatives? What… Oh.” 

I turned around just in time to see her blush and raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No! No, of course I don’t,” she sputtered. “I just never really thought much about it. Like, of course I knew those people existed, but I never -” 

“It’s fine,” I laughed it off. “I’m not offended or anything.” I truly wasn’t. I had enough people throw shit at me in my life, and equally as many guys who thought it would be hot if I made out with their girlfriend, but Bella genuinely seemed okay with it, even if it had taken her by surprise.

Her next words managed to surprise me, though. “Maybe I should try it out,” she said. “To get over him. He certainly wouldn’t expect that.” She looked up at me under her lashes again.

I tried to shut down the part of my brain yelling at me that this was my chance; that I should just go for it. She was really cute, but I wasn’t keen on taking advantage of her in this moment of vulnerability. “Sorry, but I won’t be your pawn to get back at your ex. There are a lot better ways than that. Delete his number, burn his pictures, go out and have fun without him.”

I saw that she was still hesitating. “The two of us could be having fun without him?” Her voice was not so unsure anymore, and instead she almost sounded flirtatious. I wondered how that change had happened so quickly after she’d seemed not at all interested in me a moment ago, hadn’t even considered the possibility before.

My conscience got the better of me and reminded me that she’d had three drinks at this point, plus her life had been completely turned upside down today. She was definitely not in her right mind to consent to anything right now. “Sorry, Honey, not this time.” 

I noticed that one of the regulars was waving me over. Such bad timing, as always. “Wait a second, please, and don’t jump to conclusions, okay?” I picked up my tray and made my way over to the men who took way too long to pay for their drinks and leave. A quick glance at the clock informed me that it would soon be closing time. Those guys leaving signalled to the other patrons that it was time to go, and I made my round to collect their checks. I made polite small talk as always, but I was glad when I had ushered the last of them out and there was only Bella left.

While I was gone, she had put on her coat. “I should probably leave, too, right?” she asked. She was standing next to her barstool awkwardly.

“If you want to,” I replied and went over to the cash register. “Or you can stay until I close up. Do you have any way of getting home?”

She didn’t answer and when I looked up, she had her head in her hands again, covering most of her face. It seemed to be some kind of protective pose she took on whenever she was dreading something. 

I closed the register and stood in front of her, willing my hands to stay down by my sides where they wouldn’t be brushing the hair off her face. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t go home. He will be there.” 

Right, I remembered her saying something about their apartment, so they probably shared a place. This was not ideal. “Don’t you have a friend you can stay with for a while?” but I feared I knew her answer already. If she had a friend she could be with, she wouldn’t be at my bar alone right now. 

Bella shook her head. “They are all still gone for the summer. Alice will be back tomorrow, but until then, I’m on my own.”

I sighed. There it was again, me feeling sorry for her and desperately wanting to offer my help. My friends should complain about my lack of empathy one more time. “How about a hotel or motel room for the night?”

“I can’t really afford that. College student and all that.” She still wasn’t looking at me.

My spur of the moment decision could only be explained by the fact that it was late and I had been listening to her sad story for hours. “I could let you crash at my place,” I offered. I usually wasn't exactly charitable. If I took a girl home, it was for a very specific purpose, but none of that would be happening between Bella and me tonight. The only thought spurring me on was that I couldn’t let her sleep outside somewhere, all on her own. 

“Are you sure?” She finally raised her head to watch me intently, nibbling at her bottom lip as if she was in deep thought. “I barely even know you.”

“Do you have any better options?” I raised an eyebrow at her. It was true that we didn’t know each other well and that neither of us probably should trust the other. On the other hand, I had sometimes taken home girls that I’d known even less. “It’s just an offer, you don’t have to take me up on it.”

“You’re right, I don’t really have another choice.” Bella decided after a while. She gave me a shy smile. “You’re really kind, looking after me like that.”

“I wouldn’t exactly refer to myself as kind, but thanks for the compliment.” I took up a towel and wiped down the counter. “I just need to finish up in here and close, I shouldn’t be too long.”

Bella waited patiently while I went around the room and cleaned the tables. We chatted a little and I learned that she had moved out here for college. She was studying literature and she wanted to work in publishing after college. She was a fan of classics and romance novels. It figured that she’d be devastated by that boy cheating on her if she believed in true love and all that. I had never been a big believer in things like fate and love. Maybe it had been luck that had brought her here today. Or pure coincidence. Either way, it was probably a miracle that she had met me and didn’t need to spend the night outside, or with some guy who happened to pick her up on the street. Those things never tended to end well. 

Once I had closed up, we went out to the back where my car was parked. I was very proud of the little convertible that I had bought from the first money I had ever made from selling my art at auctions. It had been used and fairly run-down, but I had fixed it up nicely. Judging by Bella’s audible gasp, it still pulled with the ladies.

“This looks…”

“Like the ride of an up-and-coming artist who has to work at her friend’s bar to pay her bills? Jeez, thanks.” I laughed and opened the passenger door for her. 

She got in and looked at me curiously. “You are an artist?”

“Sometimes.” I started the engine and reversed out of the parking spot.

“That’s it? I tell you basically my whole life story and you don’t even elaborate on a simple question?” she pressed.

I deliberately looked at the road ahead. I was still not used to discussing my art freely, but it was probably good to practice for once if I ever planned to present it to a broader audience. “I’ve been drawing and painting ever since I could hold a pencil, but recently I got more into abstract art. So far, it’s mostly a hobby. That’s why I work at the bar; the owner is a friend of my brother. It’s better than working in retail and it pays decently, so I can’t complain.”

“Why don’t you do modelling or something? You certainly have the looks to do it.” Even in the dark except for the passing street lights, I noticed her slight blush. 

My lips pressed into a tight line and I had to grip the steering wheel harder to keep myself from trembling. "That's not really my scene." 

Luckily, she took the hint and didn't continue her questioning. We fell silent for the rest of the ride, but it didn't feel uncomfortable. 

We arrived at the apartment building and climbed up the stairs to the third floor. I unlocked the door and let her inside. It wasn't much to look at, but I was embarrassingly proud of the little life that Jasper and I had built for ourselves together. Bella looked around at the artwork on the living room walls curiously. Jasper has insisted on putting up some of my pieces, which I really regretted right now. Watching Bella observe the paintings was like having her staring right down into my soul. 

"My bedroom is this way," I lead her down the hall and opened the door for her. The room was mostly taken up by my bed and the little painting area I had set up in front of the window. "Do you need anything to wear?" 

She nodded. "Just a t-shirt would be nice." 

I ventured into my walk-in closet. My eyes briefly wandered over the drawer that held my underwear and a few sets of sexy pyjamas. Imagining Bella in them made my insides tingle, but once again, I reminded myself that she was not here for _that reason_. I grabbed an old band tee and a pair of soft pyjama shorts and returned to the room. 

Bella had put her bag down and was combing through her hair with her hands absentmindedly. I handed her the clothes. "The bathroom is down the hall. Make yourself comfortable. I'll take the couch, so if you need anything, just come over." 

Bella scrunched up her nose again and a cute little line appeared on her forehead. "I don't want to keep you from your room," she protested. "I'm totally fine sleeping on the couch."

"Don't worry, I'll be perfectly comfortable on the couch." I put a hand on her arm before I realised that this was actually the first time that I had intentionally touched her. She didn't seem to mind, but I quickly let go of her anyway. "I'd rather not have my brother walk in on you sleeping when he comes back from his night shift, that's all."

"Your brother?" She looked alarmed for a second. 

"Yeah, we're roommates. Sorry, I probably should have mentioned that before. He's totally cool though, no worries," I assured her. 

That seemed to calm her down enough. She gripped the clothes I had given her a little tighter. "Alright. I'll be in the bathroom, then?" 

I nodded and watched her walk away down the hall. Damn, even in her t-shirt and jeans, her figure was to die for… And I should probably not be standing here dumbfounded, staring after her. I shook my head quickly to get rid of the thoughts that were trying to float to the surface. I grabbed a few blankets and went over to the living room to make myself comfortable for the night. 

Bella returned from the bathroom a few minutes later. "Are you sure you don't want to sleep in your bed? I don't mind sharing." She was biting her lower lip again. 

I couldn't help that my eyes darted down her body. Seeing her wearing my clothes was doing something to me that I didn't want to analyse any further right now. 

"Sharing is probably not a good idea." I gave her a smile. "Goodnight, Bella." 

"Goodnight, Rose." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to those of you who left kudos or lovely reviews - here is the next one for you!

I woke up to the sound of the front door opening and groaned into my pillow. I'd spent the last few hours in a fitful sleep and I was definitely not ready to open my eyes to the pale morning light streaming in through the windows.

"Rose? What are you doing here?" 

"Sleeping," I muttered into my pillow. I had never been a morning person and I had no idea how the hell Jasper could sound so bloody cheerful when he was just coming back from a ten hour night shift. 

"Nah, you're not. Besides, why are you sleeping here and not in your bed?" All hope of him leaving me alone was squashed when I felt the couch dip down next to me when he sat down. “Were you afraid of the monsters?” I could almost picture his teasing grin.

"It’s a long story." I finally raised my head and tried to force my eyes to open slightly. I had to blink several times against the light. "Can we discuss this at a more reasonable hour?" 

"Did anything happen?" Jasper sounded alarmed all of a sudden. 

"No, don't worry." I sat up and pulled the covers up around me. "I mean, something did happen, but not a bad thing." I realised I was probably not making much sense. 

"Right, I'll save that conversation for after you've had a coffee." Jasper ruffled my hair fondly and walked over to the kitchen area. 

"Is everything alright?" I heard Bella's timid voice from the hallway. That made me finally open my eyes properly. Her hair was all messed up and she looked even cuter all sleepy like this, wearing my old t-shirt and shorts that revealed her long, pale legs.

Jasper gazed at me in disbelief. "Sure. I'll give you guys a minute." He grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge and walked past Bella towards his room. 

"Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you up." I unwrapped the covers I’d bunched up around myself and tried to smooth down my hair a little, but it was probably a lost cause. "Do you need anything?" 

"No, I'm fine, I couldn't sleep anyway and then I heard someone talking. That was your brother, wasn't it?" 

"Yeah, that's Jasper," I confirmed. Silence fell over the room. Bella was still standing awkwardly in the entrance to the living area. I had to fight to get my brain to function fully this early in the morning. "You can go back to sleep if you'd like. Or you can take a shower and I'll prepare some breakfast for you?" I wasn't that hungry myself, but I assumed she hadn't eaten for quite a while before she'd stumbled into the bar last night. Something I probably should have considered last night.

"Breakfast sounds great." A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I'll get dressed then." 

While Bella went back to my room, I went to the bathroom really quick. My hair looked awful, but there was no time to fix it now, so I put it up in a ponytail. There were dark circles around my eyes, but it was way too early to be bothering with makeup. Plus she'd seen me like this already and hadn't bolted, so I figured I'd be fine. It wasn't like I desperately needed to impress her with my looks at 7 am.

In the kitchen, Bella helped herself to some cereal while I gulped down a cup of coffee. I had offered to prepare a more elaborate meal, but I was relieved when she declined. I wasn't much of a cook at the best of times and breakfast certainly wasn't included in my specialties. 

"My friend just texted me," Bella piped up from where she had been hunched over her phone. "She's back in town, so I can go over there whenever I want to." 

"That's great." I forced a smile. It would be nice to be able to follow my normal routine during the day, but for some reason I had been hoping to enjoy Bella's company a little longer. "Do you need me to drop you off anywhere?" 

"You don't have to bother -" she started, but I just wasn't up for arguing right now. 

"It's no bother. Where do you need to go?" 

"She lives in the dorms. It's at the South end of campus." 

So not too far, that was great. Or not that great since it meant my time left with Bella was dwindling away. Once she had finished her cereal, we gathered our stuff and went out to my car. The fresh, clean morning air and the coffee had helped clear my head, so I felt awake enough to operate my car. 

"Thank you so much, for everything," Bella said when I had pulled out of the driveway. "If you want any compensation, I could pay you back." 

"There's no need for that," I interrupted her. I really needed to work on this habit of talking over people that I seemed to be developing, but I didn't want Bella stumbling over her words trying to find a way to compensate me for just being nice and offering her a roof over her head for a night. "You don't have to pay me for anything." 

"But you were so nice…" There it was again, her chewing on her bottom lip, a worried line on her forehead. 

I needed to keep my eyes on the road. "It's nothing. I'm just happy I could be of help." Soon, we were stopped outside of the college dorms. I looked over at Bella one last time. The thought of this actually being the last time I ever saw her hurt more than I would have liked to admit. On a whim, I pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled down my phone number. "Call me if you ever need a place to crash again. Or just someone to listen to you vent. As we've discovered yesterday, I am a pretty good listener." 

The skin around her eyes crinkled as she smiled. "Thanks, I might do that." She leaned forward and gave me a quick hug over the console of the car. It was an awkward position and over within a second, but just being this close to her and holding her in my arms felt so right. I was definitely in far deeper than I ought to be. 

She got out of the car and waved at me once more before she walked over to the building. I watched her until she disappeared inside, and even afterwards I waited for a few minutes before I finally started my car again to drive home. 

The past twelve hours had truly been a whirlwind of mixed emotions. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. The only thing I was sure about was that my heart was hoping that Bella would call. 

Bella didn't call. I had spent two days staring at my phone, waiting for the ringtone to go off or for it to chime with a new text from an unknown number, but it never did. Jasper was calling me obsessive, but I just couldn't help it. Bella didn't seem like the kind of girl who would spend the night and then just disappear, but then again, what did I know about her, after all? Not much, and for all I knew, this could even be her thing. Wrapping people around her little finger with completely made up stories so they would feel sorry for her. 

Jasper was growing more and more exasperated with me. I'd told him all about how I'd met Bella as soon as I got home from dropping her off, and he had declared that it was fate and that we were meant to be. I'd had her in my bed already, after all. I couldn't share Jasper's positive outlook. 

"Can't you just find out her number or something? I know a guy in college, he could probably find some stuff out about her," he offered. 

"No way," I protested. "I gave her a way of contacting me and if she doesn't do it, that's her choice. I'm definitely not going to stalk her like a total creep."

"Fair enough. You might want to consider getting laid, though. Forget about her for a while."

"Eww, gross!" I threw a cushion at his face. "You're my brother; you shouldn't be talking about me getting laid." 

Jasper had just laughed it off and insisted I go out with him and his friends next Friday night. He'd even gotten Peter to give me the night off from work. It had been more than a week since I'd seen Bella, and Jasper was probably right, I needed to stop obsessing over her and get over it. She was just some college student, after all, not even my type. I could pick up any girl I wanted at the club Jasper was dragging me to tonight. 

I had just gotten in the mood after I'd finished my second drink and was grinding on some girl that I had no particular interest in, but she was pretty and seemed into it. For a night, she would do. And I usually didn’t do much more than a night.

Suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and tried to pull me off. I shied back instinctively and tried to free my arm. I was about to punch my potential attacker when the strobe lights lit up Jasper's face. I stopped struggling and let him pull me to the edge of the dance floor. "What the fuck? You told me to have fun tonight," I yelled next to his ear over the pounding music. 

"Looks like you're not the only one here to have fun." I followed his line of vision and spotted Bella of all people, dancing around awkwardly at the edge of the dance floor, next to some girl. I immediately wondered if that girl was just a friend or if she'd taken my advice after all to get over her ex by getting with a girl. Only that girl should've been me, I mused bitterly. That scrawny, spiky haired brunette had nothing on me. 

"Let's go over there!" Jasper exclaimed excitedly. 

"No way!" I protested. "She could have contacted me and she didn't. If she wanted to see me, she would have called. I'm not gonna go and follow her." I narrowed my eyes at Jasper suspiciously. "Did you stalk her after all? I told you not to." 

"I swear, I didn't. It's pure coincidence." He grinned at me and I was not sure if I believed him. Then he turned on his heel and dove into the crowd towards the two girls. 

"No, wait!" I tried to call him back, but he was already too far gone to hear me over the music. Damn it, I really didn't want to approach Bella, but Jasper seemed determined to go against my will tonight. I held back, watching as he greeted the girls and started talking to the little brunette. Why was he not talking to Bella? What was he playing at? I couldn't decipher their reactions from where I was standing, but they didn't seem too eager to get away from him. Jasper could be very charming if he wanted to. 

My eyes widened as Bella seemed to look directly at where I was standing. My hands were starting to sweat nervously and I felt my throat close up. I didn't want him to pressure her into talking to me. It was wrong to force anything on her after she'd chosen to ignore me. 

I could only watch in exasperation as Jasper took the other girl off somewhere, probably to dance or get her a drink, definitely to get rid of her in some way. Bella started to make her way towards me. Running away would be a cowardly move, wouldn't it? I had no choice but to wait for her, stuck to the wall and with nowhere to hide.

Bella surprised me by wrapping her arms around me as soon as she was within reach and pulling me closer. "It's so good to see you!" she screamed into my ear. She smelled like beer and smoke and I briefly wondered how much she'd had to drink. She swayed a little, so I put my hands on her waist to steady her. It definitely wasn't to feel the warmth of her body underneath my hands and wonder what it would be like to let my hands explore further. I'd definitely had enough to drink for one night if my control was slipping like this, and Bella didn’t seem much better off. 

Her next words knocked the wind right out of me. "You're so hot." She leaned against me and I could feel her hot breath on my neck. Oh, this was so not going to fly. 

"Let's go outside and get you some water," I ordered. Bella let herself be pulled along willingly. I retrieved my jacket and texted Jasper that I was taking Bella outside and he should sent her friend out as well. I wouldn't go back into the club anyway and Bella looked like she definitely shouldn't, either. 

The cold night air hit me like a brick and Bella stumbled, so I had to put my arms around her again to prevent her from falling over. "Steady there," I murmured. My ears were still ringing from the sudden absence of loud music. 

Bella was so close to that I could feel her heart pounding in her chest through the thin top she was wearing. My brain stopped working for a second when she suddenly leaned up to press her lips onto mine. 

Her mouth tasted like stale beer, but I still couldn't help but respond to her kiss. My arms fit around her waist perfectly. Only when she parted her lips to get even closer to me, I regained my senses and pulled back. As much as I enjoyed snogging her in the middle of the sidewalk in front of a nightclub, we really should not be doing this.

"You're way too drunk for this," I told her as I watched disappointment wash over her face. My heart jumped a little at her reaction. Even if it was just her alcohol-induced brain, a part of her truly seemed to want me. "Try this again when we're both sober," I said softly. 

My phone vibrated with a text and I groaned when I read Jasper's response. _Alice and I are having fun, you should take your girl home._ Obviously, he just wanted to make sure I got some alone time with Bella, but his timing was horrendous as usual. And besides, what was he even doing with her friend? Hanging out with college kids was not usually his thing. Neither was it mine, but looking at Bella made me want to reconsider.

Bella's breathing had calmed down a little. Maybe she was already starting to sober up. "We need to get you home," I told her. "Where are you staying?"

"I got a new apartment, but I was planning on staying with Alice in the dorms tonight." Her voice sounded a lot clearer already, her words coming out less slurred than before.

"I don't think your friend will be out anytime soon." Fuck Jasper and whatever he was playing at. "I'll take you home." 

"My apartment is all the way across town," she argued.

"I wasn't talking about your place", I replied. Neither of us was in any condition to drive, so I figured she would be fine staying with me. After all, she'd done it before. "I'm taking you over to mine if that’s alright with you. It's just a short walk." 

I almost expected her to protest, but thankfully, she didn't. We walked in silence for a few minutes, not exactly touching but close enough that I could hold her if she lost her balance again. 

"I meant to call you," she said suddenly. 

My eyebrows rose in surprise at her confession. "So why didn't you?" 

"I really didn't know what to say." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You were so nice to me and I felt so ungrateful. I didn't even pay for my drinks at the bar and I hadn’t even noticed. I'm sorry, I should have -" 

"Stop!" I grabbed her arm before she could walk out onto the road without looking, and also to stop her self-deprecating tirade. "I'm pretty sure you shouldn’t be desperate enough to walk into traffic yet." I pulled her closer to me so we were face to face, her big brown eyes staring up into mine like they could see straight into my soul. They were so full of worry that I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. 

"I told you, it's fine," I assured her. "I don't need any kind of compensation. Let me be a good person for once and don't ruin it by constantly apologizing." 

"So you are not a good person otherwise?" her voice sounded muffled against my leather jacket and I realised that her body in my arms was feeling really cold. She must have been freezing in that tiny black top. 

"I tend not to be, but for some reason, you bring out the best in me. You must be truly special." I let go of her and shrugged out of my jacket to put it around her shoulders. "And now let's get you home." 

That night, I didn't hear Jasper come home. I'd slept on the sofa again, even though Bella had repeated that she wouldn't mind sharing a bed. I'd refused for obvious reasons. I wasn't going to sleep with her unless I could be one hundred per cent sure that this was what she wanted - even if sleeping with her meant just sharing a bed. 

I woke up around 9 am with a slight headache. The older I got, the more I regretted drinking the morning after. And I hadn't even been properly drunk. I was just glad that I didn't have to fight off a massive hangover this morning. 

Bella on the other hand was really feeling under the weather. I'd been glad that she didn't throw up last night, but when she entered the living room with her hands covering her face, groaning at the light streaming in from the large windows, I knew how bad she must be feeling. 

I quickly shoved my blankets to the side and made room for her on the sofa. "Sit down." I got up to close the curtains and pick up some water and pain medication from the kitchen. "Take these and drink up," I ordered her. 

Bella gladly took the proffered items and gulped down the pills. "I've never felt so bad after a night out before," she sighed. 

"Seeing as you just turned twenty-one last week, I don't see how you should have much experience with partying," I teased and took a seat next to her on the sofa. 

"Sure." She neither confirmed nor denied, but I was pretty certain she'd been to a few parties already. Wasn't that what college kids did, partying and underage drinking? Not that I'd know.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Bella sipped her water and I tried not to react to how close she was to me. I could feel the heat radiating off her body and hear her breathing. It was starting to get really unnerving. "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked to break the silence. 

"Oh, yeah, sure. What kind of movies do you like?" 

I slid off the couch to our stack of DVDs. "I don't really like movies, but we have a lot of them because Jasper collects whatever he deems interesting."

She looked at me incredulously. "How can you not like movies?" 

"They usually bore me. I just can't get into a story within less than two hours." I grabbed a few off the stack. "We have mostly action movies, I think. Some horror, and a few rom-coms should be in there, too." 

"I'm fine with whatever." Bella gave me a smile, so I simply grabbed the first one off the stack and put it into the DVD player. 

It seemed like I had made the worst possible choice. The movie was not necessarily bad, but a little too gory for a hangover morning. In addition, some of the scenes were the supposed hero was trying to get his love interest into bed were hitting a little too close to home. I could only shake my head at her when she gave in eventually and five minutes of bad movie sex ensued. 

Bella surprised me by letting out a soft laugh. "Is it just me or do they look extremely uncomfortable with each other?" 

I agreed. "Sorry. I didn't think there would be this much romance involved. Are you okay?" 

Bella shrugged. She was sitting so close to me that I could feel her arm swiftly brush up against mine. My skin started to tingle slightly and I pulled away. 

"I think I'm getting better at it. After you dropped me off, I cried with Alice for a little while. And then my Mom insisted on coming over for the weekend. She helped me find a new apartment and bought me ice cream, so I've fulfilled almost all of the breakup clichés. I'm only missing the drunken one night stand I'm going to regret later."

"I don't think that's necessarily a requirement," I replied cautiously. The more time I spent with her, the more I realised that I didn't want to be Bella's rebound to get over her ex. If I were to sleep with her, I wanted it to mean more. It was a scary thought that I hadn't had in a long time, possibly forever, and my own strong feelings terrified me. 

Until I spent this lazy morning in front of the TV with her, I had tried really hard not to imagine how it would be to wake up beside her, hold her, watch how her eyes slowly fluttered open. I'd greet her with a kiss and then let my lips wander over that perfect little body… I shook my head to get rid of those dangerous notions. Even if Bella considered sleeping with me, I wouldn't do it; not unless there was a chance of us being more than a simple fuck. 

Before we could discuss the topic further, a key turned in the front door and Jasper stepped into the living room. I was confused for a second. When I hadn't heard him come home last night, I had just assumed that I'd been sleeping so soundly that he didn't wake me up when he came in.

His rumpled party clothes and messed up hair made it pretty clear that he'd spent the night somewhere else. My suspicions deepened and I was up in his space within seconds. "What the hell did you do?" I hissed. I had left him with Bella's friend with the naive assumption that he would simply distract her for a while and then maybe see that she would get home safe. 

Jasper raised his hands apologetically. "Don't go off on me, Rose, it's not like I planned any of it." 

His mischievous smile told me otherwise. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the kitchen with me. The door slammed shut behind us. "Now tell me, what the hell happened?" 

"I just wanted to give you and Bella some alone time, that's all." 

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "You shouldn't have talked to her in the first place. I told you I didn't want to bother her." 

"It worked out alright, though, didn't it?" He grinned at me and wiggled his eyebrows. 

"If by _worked out_ you mean that I had to take her home because she was absolutely wasted and I slept on the couch again, sure." 

"Nothing even happened? That's disappointing…" 

"Well, I couldn't say the same for you, could I?" I let my gaze wander pointedly over his crumpled attire. 

Jasper actually blushed. I hadn't seen him this embarrassed since he'd gone to his first high school dance. "Please don't be mad at me? I swear I wasn't planning on any of this happening. I just walked Alice home because I figured that was what you'd want me to do. But then she invited me in and things just kind of happened." 

I could only stare at him in disbelief. "Are you telling me you actually slept with Bella's friend?"

Jasper nodded sheepishly. 

"What the fuck!" I shoved against his chest, not hard enough to actually hurt him, but enough that he was forced to take a step back. "You couldn't just pick up any other girl? You really had to go for Bella's best friend?" 

"Relax, Rose. It was a one-time thing and completely consensual. It's not like we were hurting anyone." 

"Great, so you didn't even consider how it would look for me? You're my brother; you're supposed to support me!" I couldn't believe he had actually used that poor girl for his benefit. Even if he said there had been consent, the situation was clearly not in her favour. "Isn't she also like ten years younger than you? Why would you even be interested in her, she's basically a child." 

"Calm down, Rose, it's not like I was doing anything illegal." Jasper rolled his eyes at me. "You might want to think this through before you accuse me of molesting your lover's friend or whatever. I've always been the good guy, remember?" 

He had. Jasper had never done anything that entitled me to freak out like I was right now, but I couldn't help it. If he had somehow destroyed the tiny prospect of anything ever happening between Bella and me, I would never forgive him for that. Or at least it would take me a long time. I owed Jasper a lot, but that didn't mean that I couldn't stay mad at him for weeks, maybe months on end. 

"This conversation is not over," I hissed at him and left the kitchen. 

Bella was standing in the middle of the living room, awkwardly shifting from one leg to another. She looked relieved when I finally re-emerged. "I should probably go," she said. 

"You don't need to leave," I assured her, panicking that my sudden outburst had pushed her away. "We haven't even finished the movie." 

"I didn't like the movie anyway. And Alice is probably waiting for me."

Right, waiting to tell Bella what an asshole my brother was and making sure that Bella never set foot into my apartment or my life again. But I shouldn't keep Bella here against her will. "I can drive you to campus," I offered. 

"There's no need for that, I could use a little walk." She smiled and, with a moment’s hesitation, pulled me in for a quick hug. "I'll see you around." 

"Yeah, see you," I replied in a monotone voice. My throat was closing up as I watched her gather her things and leave. As the door closed behind her, I slowly sank down onto the sofa where she had been sitting minutes before. 

Jasper exited the kitchen and came over to put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered. 

I shook his hand off and didn't reply. The movie was still playing on the TV, but I wasn't paying any attention to it. Bella had left, and she'd taken all of my happiness with her. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I'll try to get the last chapter out soon. If anyone is still reading this, I hope you enjoy!

I had been wallowing in self-pity the whole day. I knew that I was behaving like a lovesick teenager, but I just couldn't help it. It was like the whole world was crashing down around me, but all I could do was stare and watch it burn. I had felt helpless and hopeless before, in a much worse and more devastating way, but this was a new feeling. There had been the promise of joy and love in my future, but it'd all been brutally taken away from me in the blink of an eye. 

I poured all of my desperation into my art, producing piece after piece that represented my dark and twisted might. It made me feel slightly better seeing my feelings manifested as paint on paper. For some reason, they always felt less suffocating when I could visualise them as colours rather than vague thoughts at the back of my mind. 

Jasper didn't comment when I lined up a row of paintings in the living room to dry. He kept his distance from me, which I was grateful for. I would forgive him eventually, just not today. If I wanted to, I was quite good at holding a grudge.

I started getting ready for work around 4 pm. I had an early shift today and I was looking forward to the monotonous tasks of serving drinks and cleaning tables distracting me from my raging thoughts. I put my hair up in a ponytail and covered the dark circles under my eyes with makeup. Afterwards I still looked like shit, but there was no way to change that. I tried out a fake smile in the mirror and it looked incredibly forced, but it would do for the customers.

It was a busy night, since it was Saturday and college classes were starting back up again on Monday. A lot of students were mingling, reuniting with friends or getting started on a few drinks before they hit the clubs. Peter manned the bar while I slipped from booth to booth taking orders and handing out drinks. 

The students were starting to file out slowly, continuing their night elsewhere. While a lot of them dropped in for a drink or two, this wasn’t the place to spend a whole night out. I slipped behind the bar when there was nobody calling for me for a moment so I could take a deep breath and steady myself. Being polite didn't come easy for me today. When one of the customers had complained at great length about how I’d not put enough ice in his drink, I’d been very close to just shoving the drink down his stupid flowery shirt and –

"Hey, Rose." 

My head snapped up. I instantly recognised the soft voice that somehow managed to carry over the loud music and talking that constantly filled the bar. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Bella was staring up at me from the other side of the bar, squeezed in between two groups of people, looking a little uncomfortable. "If you're busy, I can come back later." 

I gazed around, but nothing required my immediate attention. "Why are you here?" I asked, probably sounding a little more harsh than intended. I hadn't expected to see her again so soon after she'd left my apartment this morning. It already felt like a lifetime ago.

Bella raised her shoulders in a gesture of uncertainty. "You told me to ask again when we were both sober. So I figured…" She trailed off. 

My brain took a second to connect the dots. When it did, all of the desperation and pain I had been carrying around with me all day evaporated. Did she still want to be with me? "You really want to?" I needed to make sure we were on the same page. 

"Yes." Bella blushed a little. "Of course I do. And I haven't touched a single drop of alcohol since last night, so it's really just me talking, no mind-altering substances involved." 

My cheeks felt like they could burst from the bright smile that had started taking over my face. "So you think I'm that easy that you can just walk into my bar and I'll fall at your feet?" I teased. My insides were fluttering with excitement at her sudden appearance, and the implied meaning behind her words.

"Not your bar!" Peter shouted from somewhere behind us, proving that he'd probably been listening in on our conversation the whole time.

I rolled my eyes at him, my happy thoughts temporarily banned to the back of my mind, and leaned in closer to Bella. "Sorry about my boss," I whispered. "He's a bit of a douche sometimes."

"When are you done with your shift?" Bella inquired, her eyes darting around the room and taking in the crowd.

The fact that she apparently wanted to hang out with me _right now_ and didn't even wait a day to see me again made me feel all warm inside. She could have just called or texted, but the fact that she’d come all the way to the bar made it feel even more special. I glanced at the clock on the wall and grimaced. "I still have another hour to go." 

"That's no problem, I can wait here. I'll just order something non-alcoholic. Can you recommend anything?”

“Coming right up,” I smiled and started fixing something fruity for her. "By the way, I meant it when I said I wasn't that easy, though. We should at least go on a date first." If she even wanted to date me and wasn’t just in it for a fun night. Bella didn’t seem like the type, but I had only known her for a few days. I could totally have the wrong impression. The thought made me feel queasy and I quickly averted my eyes so she couldn’t spot my doubts. I’d learned early on to mask my insecurities well, but Bella seemed to be able to wake up all of my emotions within seconds, both good and bad.

“I’d love to go on a date.” With a simple sentence, Bella managed to dispel all of my doubts. "I'm sure I can think of something until you’re ready to go." She gave me another smile and headed over to a quieter corner where she took a seat and sipped on her drink slowly.

I returned to work, but I couldn't help watching Bella whenever I could spare a glance. She was on her phone most of the time and I couldn't see what she was doing on it. The light illuminated her face, making her cheekbones stand out more sharply and highlighting her jawline. Her brows furrowed and her mouth formed into a pout. 

She'd done her hair today, not like the last times when I'd seen her, and she was wearing jeans and a nice blue top that hugged her curves. Had she actually dressed up for me? She kept fiddling with the hem of the top, so I wondered if she felt uncomfortable in it. Well, I wouldn't mind if she took it off - as soon as we were in a more private environment, I added on second thought. I had never been a fan of public displays of affection and the direction my thoughts had been going was a little raunchier than I’d be comfortable displaying outside of the bedroom. And those were definitely not thoughts I should be having at work.

Finally, my shift came to an end. I grabbed my bag from the tiny break room and was outside in front of the bar in record time. Bella already stood there waiting for me in the parking lot. 

"There's a twenty four hour pizza place down the road," she announced. "It's nothing too fancy, but I figured since we’ll be having dinner together, it should count as a date. You like pizza, right?" 

"Of course I do! What are we waiting for then?" I couldn't stop smiling. Leave it to Bella to make having pizza at 1 am sound like she wanted to properly wine and dine me. Just the idea of someone making an effort for me was so foreign that I was a little out of my depths. Of course dating was not an alien concept to me in itself, but the prospect of it possibly turning into a serious, long-term relationship was unknown territory for me. With Bella, I was really hoping that it would turn into exactly that.

Bella surprised me by easily taking my hand and linking our fingers together. She gave my hand a little squeeze and it felt so right, like we just fit. If the simple gesture of holding hands already turned my insides to mush, what would happen if there were more affectionate words or actions? My heart would melt into a puddle right here on the sidewalk. 

The restaurant that Bella had suggested turned out to be more of a hole in the wall place that didn’t have a lot of seating and mainly offered takeout. It was still bustling at this time of night, delivery people rushing in and out. We ordered a large pizza and decided against waiting for a table crammed in between drunk college kids. Instead, we sat down on a little wall around a street corner to have our dinner where it was a little quieter.

"This is not really how I imagined it," Bella admitted. She was sitting cross-legged on the wall, facing me, the pizza box between us. The night air was a lot warmer than yesterday, but the wind had picked up and was tousling her hair, pushing it into her face time and time again. 

"Are you kidding me? It's perfect." I put down my pizza slice to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "One of the best dates I've ever been on."

Bella's face scrunched up. I had noticed that she often did that when she was debating on what to say next. "I bet you say that to all the girls." 

I shook my head. "I don't really do dates, usually. You are special." 

"How could I of all people be special," Bella muttered quietly, as if she hadn't actually intended for me to hear it. 

I didn't really know how to explain my attraction to her. It was so much more than her physical appearance that appealed to me. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled. Her habit of simply showing up and integrating herself into my life like she'd always been there. How she bit that delicious bottom lip… one day, I wanted to put all of this into words, but today, I was so overwhelmed that I just couldn't get the words out. Instead, I showed her in the only way I could.

Our lips met and I was immediately drowning in her. At first, she tasted like pizza and fruit from the cocktail I'd prepared for her earlier. She let her lips slide open, deepening the kiss. It was a little awkward, sitting side by side on a wall with a pizza box between us, but it was Bella, so of course it felt perfect. 

When we finally separated, we were both panting, trying to catch our breaths. I could see something in her eyes that looked like longing, possibly a hunger for more, but I needed to be sure. "Is this okay?" I asked tentatively. 

"More than okay." Bella grinned. She hopped off the wall and stood in front of me. Her arms came up around my neck and then her mouth was busy again, her tongue sliding over mine as she tangled her fingers in my hair to pull me closer.

The kiss lasted longer this time and we both came away breathless. I scooted back a little, trying to regain at least a shred of control. The pizza was completely forgotten about at this point. "I should drive you home," I told Bella before I could get any other crazy ideas. I was going to do things right this time.

Bella’s face twisted into a frown and I longed to kiss those pouty lips again. “Oh… I thought,” she stuttered. “Alright, I guess.” She didn’t seem content with the outcome, but she didn’t oppose my decision. 

“Hey, listen.” I raised my hand to lightly touch her cheek. “It’s not that I don’t want you. I just don’t want to rush into things.”

She rolled her eyes at me playfully. “Great, so you picked me of all people to start being traditional?”

I cringed at the word _traditional_. “It’s not that,” I promised. I felt the sudden urge to reject her notion completely and take her home just because I could, but luckily I got a grip on my emotions in time. I had rebelled against my _traditional_ upbringing enough in my early twenties; I didn’t need to prove anything to her.

Bella stepped away from my embrace and disposed of the empty pizza box. I immediately started to miss the warmth of her body and the feeling of her hands on my skin. She came back with a determined look on her face, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Is something wrong with me?” she asked. She was trying to appear tough, but I could almost feel the uncertainty radiating off her. 

_Of course not, you’re perfect,_ I thought. “There is nothing wrong with you, on the contrary,” I tried to assure her. “This is all new for you, so I want to make sure that you are comfortable and don’t do anything you’ll regret later. If you want to stop at any point, that’s totally fine with me.”

“But I don’t want to stop. We’ve barely even started yet. I want you!” She took a step closer and my hands came up to r rest on her shoulders without a conscious decision on my part. I just needed to hold her and tell her how much I wanted her, but something was still holding me back.

All of my self-control dissipated when she lowered her head so her lips were right above mine, not quite touching, but so close that I could feel her breath ghosting over my face. I couldn’t help but lean up and capture those lips with my own. I felt her smile against mine, probably pleased at how easy it had been to convince me after all. 

I didn’t care anymore. She felt so good against me, our mouths moving together in sync. I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her even closer, opening my legs so she stood in between my thighs, encasing her with my body. Her hands were tangling up in my hair. Her body heat encompassed me even through the coats we were both wearing. I longed to feel her body against me without the barrier of clothes, her skin against mine. Bella seemed equally into it, which was the last straw that made me reconsider my previous stance.

It took a lot of effort to detangle myself from her. My lips detached from hers and I continued to press a row of little kisses down her throat. “You are very convincing,” I whispered. “I think I'll have to take you home after all.”

Bella's arms were still loosely wrapped around my neck. "Really?" She was breathless and I could hear the excitement in her voice. 

"If you want to," I repeated. Sod all of the stupid rules society had made. If this was what she wanted, I couldn’t deny her. Not when she was blushing like this as I let my mouth wander down to her neck.

"Of course I do." She dropped her arms, only to grab my hand instead. "What are we waiting for then?" 

Laughing, I hopped down to my feet and let her pull me towards the bar where I'd left my car. It was very hard to concentrate on the road during the short drive, especially since Bella was practically vibrating in her seat, switching between running her hands over her thighs and playing with her hair. Her nervousness made me waver in my decision, but when we stopped at my apartment complex and she looked over at me excitedly, I knew there was no way I could turn her down now unless she explicitly told me to stop.

Once we were out of the car, I took hold of her hand again. We walked up the stairs together and she leaned into me as I stopped to unlock the door to my apartment. Her breath ghosted over my neck and I couldn’t help but lean in to capture her lips with my own. I pushed open the door and we stumbled inside. Bella almost fell over her own feet and I instinctively put my hands on her waist to steady her.

It took me a moment to realise that the light in the living room was on already. Embarrassment washed over me as I let go of Bella to greet Jasper who was sitting on the sofa reading a book. I must look like a complete fool, after I spent the whole day pining after a girl and now I’d brought that same girl home. Jasper didn’t say anything, simply looked up at us and slowly raised an eyebrow. 

Bella was blushing furiously. “Um, hi…” She let go of me and quickly took a step back, almost bumping into the coat rack in the process. I had to reach out and catch her again before she hurt herself.

“Hi, Bella, it’s nice to see you.” Jasper closed his book and got up. “I’ll give you guys some privacy.” He winked and turned around to disappear into his room.

“Oh wow, that was… unexpected.” Bella murmured.

“He’ll be fine,” I interrupted her. “It’s not like I never brought anyone home before. He won’t bother us.” 

This time, Bella hesitated a little as I wanted to continue towards my room. “Are you okay?” I checked.

“Yes, just a little overwhelmed,” she admitted. She lowered her head so her hair was covering most of her face.

I put my hand under her chin and raised it slowly so I could look into her deep brown eyes. “It’s fine. We can just start by watching a movie and relax a little?” I suggested.

“A movie wasn’t really a good idea last time,” she argued. 

She had a point. “I’ll put on some music then and we can talk a little.” I didn’t want her to feel anxious and like I expected her to do anything tonight. If she just wanted to sleep, that was alright with me.

“Are you going to tell me about your art?” Bella was glancing at the paintings lined up in the living room curiously. 

It felt a little ridiculous that I’d been furiously smashing paint onto a canvas a mere twelve hours ago. But if I wanted her to get to know me, there was no way around lending her insight into my twisted mind. As long as I didn’t have to reveal too many of my secrets at once, it felt manageable. “Sure, I can show you some of it,” I agreed.

We entered my room and I pulled out a few of my favourites that I kept in the apartment. I’d need to find another place for them eventually, but for now, I wanted to keep them close. Bella looked at them in awe and listened eagerly to my explanations about colour and contrasts. 

“Is there any meaning behind them? Like, are you trying to tell a story?” She was biting her lip again. “Sorry, I have never really paid much attention to modern art.” 

There it was, the question that I’d been dreading. “Most of them don’t really have a deeper meaning,” I answered truthfully. “I mostly just try to pour my feelings onto the page or canvas. It’s like a form of self-expression.” 

“You must have been feeling quite sad back then,” she rightly observed as she let her fingers graze lightly over the lines of one of my earlier works.

Sad didn’t even begin to cover that part of my past. I had been desperate back then. I turned away from her to hide my face. I shouldn’t have shown her any of this, especially not tonight when it only served to put a damper on the mood. “I had quite a hard time back then,” I replied. “It took me a while to get over it.”

I felt Bella touching my shoulder lightly. She didn’t force me to look at her, but it helped to comfort me. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said. “But if you ever feel like talking about it, I’m here for you.”

I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Thank you,” I managed to choke out even though my throat was starting to close up. “We should go to sleep, it’s getting late.” If there was any way out of this conversation, I’d gladly take it. Even though Bella was being super sweet and kind, I did not have the emotional capacity to relive those memories right now.

“Will you sleep on the couch again?” Bella sounded unsure.

It made me realize that I was being a little rude to my guest. Date. Future girlfriend? I wasn’t exactly sure what Bella was to me at this point. I shouldn’t let my emotions take control of me like that. I wiped at my eyes and hoped there were no traces of tears left in them. I pasted on a smile before I turned back around to her. “That depends, do you want me to?” 

If she noticed that my smile was fake, she didn’t comment on it. I hoped she didn’t connect it to being with her. My insecurities about the past had nothing to do with her and how much I enjoyed her presence right now.

“I think I’d like to share.” She gave me a shy smile, her cheeks reddening slightly.

“That’s settled, then.” I squeezed her arm encouragingly. She didn’t seem to mind me touching her, and I liked the way her breath hitched slightly whenever I casually brushed against her. “You can have your turn in the bathroom first.” 

While Bella was gone, I put away the paintings and took a few calming breaths. I had always prided myself on my ability to move on, and I wouldn’t fall back into old habits right now. Our excited anticipation from earlier had effectively been killed, but maybe that wasn’t too bad. There was always next time, and we could spend tonight getting used to each other, and maybe cuddling a little. I loved a good cuddle.

When it was my turn, I hurried to finish up my night-time routine. When I returned to my room, Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed only in one of my old t-shirts. It had ridden up to reveal the top of her thighs and I suddenly felt my earlier mood return, my desire for her back in full force. She looked positively enticing as she glanced up at me under her eyelashes in the dim glow of my bedside light. 

I sat down next to her, keeping a safe distance between us. “Do you need anything else?” I asked. I purposefully ignored her half-naked state. 

Bella turned around to face me, sitting cross-legged on the bed, which made it even harder for me to resist. Did she have any idea how much she was driving me crazy? The feeling intensified when she leaned closer and whispered: “I really want you to kiss me again.”

I simply couldn’t deny her request when her rosy lips were so close to me. I cradled her face with my hands and kissed her softly. She responded to my kiss eagerly, opening up her mouth and allowing our tongues to slide together. I pulled her down with me so we were both lying on our sides, still facing each other. It took me a moment to break our kiss. “We should go to sleep now,” I whispered.

At first, Bella looked like she wanted to protest, but in the end, she simply pressed another chaste kiss to my lips. “Goodnight, Rose.”

“Goodnight, Bella.” I smiled as she scooted even closer and cuddled up against me. She seemed to have no problem sharing our personal space and I was definitely not going to complain. I wrapped my arm around her and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep listening to Bella’s steady breaths.

The sun was streaming in through the cracks between the curtains when I woke up. I was feeling better rested than I'd had in weeks. I turned around lazily when something clicked in my brain. I wasn't supposed to be waking up alone. For a second, I panicked, wondering if I'd done anything wrong to make Bella leave before dawn, but then my eyes opened fully to take in my surroundings. Her clothes from yesterday were still there, folded neatly over my desk chair, so she couldn't be far. 

I got up and traipsed over to my closet to pick up a t-shirt to throw on over my pyjama top. As soon as I opened my door, voices drifted over from the kitchen. I walked over there, still in kind of an early-morning haze. 

"That's not really her thing," I heard Bella say and I briefly wondered if she was talking about me. What was not really my thing? 

Jasper's response was too mumbled to make out, and I didn't fancy listening in on their conversation from the hallway. "Good morning," I entered the kitchen and smiled at them sleepily. 

Jasper just nodded, but Bella surprised me by greeting me with a warm side hug and a peck on my cheek. I suddenly wished I had taken a trip to the bathroom first to brush my teeth. A morning snog without bad breath would have been nice. Also preferably without my brother's interrogating gaze on us. 

"How long have you been up?" I asked Bella. "You could've just woke me up." 

"It's fine. Jasper made me coffee and we've been chatting for a while. He told me all the embarrassing stories about your youth." Bella was grinning at me over her mug.

Shock must have been plain on my face. He wouldn't dare - 

"Yeah, remember how you climbed our neighbours’ fence to pick their apple tree, but you fell down right into Mom's favourite rose bush?" 

"Oh, yeah." I forced a smile onto my face. Those kind of stories. "I had scratches all over and got grounded for months because I destroyed her favourite plants." It didn't look like Jasper had spilled anything he shouldn't, but I still couldn't shake the cold dread from my bones. I simply couldn't casually talk about my past without those memories coming to light and playing back in my head again and again. If I didn't snap out of it fast, I would get lost in them for hours on end. Only the prospect of having to explain all of it to Bella helped me to breathe through it. Once I managed to focus on my surroundings again, Jasper's face was worried and Bella was touching my arm gently. 

"I should get going," she said. 

"What? Why?" Even to my own ears, my voice sounded too shrill and panicked. 

"Didn’t I tell you? I got a job at a little coffee shop off campus and I have to come in for work at noon today.”

Somewhere in my brain, her words registered. Work. That was a good reason to leave and had nothing to do with me and my worries. The air started flowing through my lungs a little easier.

"I should get home and change before work. Showing up dressed in yesterday’s clothes and smelling like a bar might not give off a good impression with my boss. And I don’t want to be late.” She smiled at me apologetically.

"Sure, I get that." I didn't really know what to say. Was it appropriate to ask if she'd like to repeat last night? "When can I see you again?" was what I settled on in the end, and it only sounded a tiny bit desperate. 

Jasper came to my rescue, as he always had. I didn't know how I'd ever doubted him. "Rose managed to get a few of her paintings into a gallery opening on Thursday. You should totally come." 

Bella's face brightened at that. "That sounds awesome. I'd love to see more of your art." 

"Great." Thursday, that left me with enough time to get my wits in order, but also so soon that I wouldn't have that much time to worry about seeing her again. "I can text you the details."

"And you might want to bring a friend," Jasper chimed in. "Those gallery openings tend to be quite boring and Rose will be busy networking with a few people for a good part of the night.”

I glanced at him suspiciously, but I agreed nonetheless. "Yeah, if you know anyone who might be interested, you should bring them." 

Bella agreed and went back to my room to get her clothes. I wondered briefly if I should follow her, but my mind was still too shaken up and she wanted to leave anyway, so I gave her some space. I used that time to take deep breaths and calm my racing heart rate. I could break down as soon as Bella had left. 

She re-emerged a few minutes later fully clothed. Even in her simple jeans and t-shirt combo, she still looked amazing.

She glanced over at me, insecurity written over her features, which disappeared so quickly that someone might have missed it if they weren't paying close attention. I couldn't keep my eyes off her though, so of course I had noticed. 

"Jasper, will you give us a minute?" I requested. 

"Why? I'm just having breakfast." He smirked at me teasingly. "And someone needs to make sure that you don't do anything indecent." 

Indecent, sure. As if he'd ever bothered about his own decency. I hoped my gaze came across every bit as cutting as I meant it. "Fuck off!" I ordered him.

"Sure, whatever." His blank face didn't show anything, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. He played the annoying bigger brother from time to time, but he'd never actually tried to play supervisor to my dates up until now, which I was grateful for. 

Bella looked after him, then back at me. "There was no need to get rid of him," she said. 

"It's fine, he'll get over it." I waved a hand dismissively. "Do you need me to drive you home?" I offered. 

"No need, I parked my truck on campus and I could use the short walk." She smiled up at me. "I have a lot to think about." 

I started worrying that she might rethink everything we did last night. Had she not liked it? Did she not want to take it any further? Was she just looking for a way to let me down gently? What if she had just wanted to try things out and now she would go back to dating douchebags like her ex? 

"Only good thoughts." She interrupted my musing with a quick hug and kiss. Her lips lingered on mine for no longer than a second, but it helped to dispel all of my worries. "I might imagine what wonderful things we could get up to next time." She blushed and gave me a bashful smile that made my insides churn with excitement. 

"I can't wait for next time," I breathed. "I'm sure we can think of something." 

"See you on Thursday!" With that, Bella was out in the hallway and the apartment door fell shut behind her. 

I wrapped my arms around me, holding myself together. All of the warm and fuzzy feelings vanished suddenly and were replaced by a cloud of darkness that carried all of the memories I'd tried so hard to suppress. I wondered how I'd been able to hold them back for so long until Bella was gone. Now there was no chance to prevent myself from drowning. 

I staggered towards the sofa in an effort not to break down right there on the floor, and suddenly Jasper was there, holding me like he'd done so many times before, guiding me to the sofa and wrapping me up in a fuzzy blanket. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I didn't tell Bella anything, I swear. I didn't mean to bring it all back." 

I shook my head, but I had no idea what I was even trying to say. I knew that Jasper wouldn't spill my secrets on purpose. I was aware that Bella had no idea that she'd hit right into the wounds I'd tried so hard to mend over the years. She'd meant no harm, neither of them head. Still, I couldn't escape the loop in my head, playing those scenes over and over again until I felt that my throat was closing up and I was gasping for air. I'd been so good at pushing it all down over the years, why was it all coming back to me now? 

It took me a good while to calm down. Jasper only left my side to pick up a book from his room and prepare me a cup of tea. Comfort tea, he'd called it in the beginning when these breakdowns used to happen regularly. At this point, I hadn't had one in almost a year. It was probably because before Bella I'd never allowed myself to feel too deeply, suppressing everything until my mind was almost numb. Now that I was slowly starting to let the good feelings filter back in, they also brought the grief with them. 

"How can this ever be worth it?" I mumbled, so low that I hadn't expected Jasper to hear it. 

"Bella is awesome," he replied. "If anyone is worth you opening up to them, it's her. You need to remember that she’s not _him_." 

My heart warmed at his unhindered support. It didn't prevent my stubborn side from lashing out though. "Why? So far, I've spent more time since I met her being miserable than being happy. I don't want to be miserable again." 

Jasper got credit for not discounting my fears. "You're right, but that doesn't mean it has to continue like this going forward. You looked so happy this morning when you walked in. She makes you happy, Rose. You can’t let what one man did years ago define your life forever." 

"But what if she doesn't want that? I can't force her to stay with me when I'm such a mess." 

"Of course you shouldn't force her. From what I've learned about her so far, Bella wouldn't take very well to that anyway. She seems pretty independent." Coming from Jasper, this was a high compliment. He appreciated people who could fend for themselves. He'd always repeated how much he admired my strength, but I had never truly believed him. 

"I need to tell her," I realized all of a sudden. If I wanted Bella to be a part of my life, she needed to be aware that there were parts of my life that I'd kept hidden for a long time. Even if just thinking about them made me feel like shrinking back into myself and wallow in misery. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt like I had never handled it like I should have.

"Yes, you should probably tell her at some point," Jasper agreed. "But you don't need to do it right away. Take your time and come to terms with it, build trust with her and figure out the right timing. Just don't lie to her if she asks about it directly." 

As usual, Jasper's advice was way too reasonable. "Fine, I'll do that," I muttered. "Thank you." It still wasn't easy for me to show how much I loved him, but I squeezed his arm affectionately and hoped it brought across all of my gratitude much better than I could have done with words. 


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Thursday rolled around, I had calmed down enough to be able to go back to my confident and unapproachable persona. Bella and I had texted a few times, but she was busy with her job and starting her new term in college and I had never been a big texter, so I mostly kept it brief. I couldn't help the giddy excitement that filled me when she had promised she'd be at the gallery opening and that she couldn't wait to see me again.

She'd be bringing her friend Alice along, which I deemed mildly interesting, since I had told her that Jasper would be there to present himself as my manager/agent. Bringing an agent helped to appear more professional, but I certainly wasn't going to pay a stranger to do it. I still hadn't discussed with Jasper what exactly had been going on between him and Alice, but now was not the time. I just hoped they would be able to behave themselves at the gallery, one way or another. 

I got ready for the night in my preferred intimidating artist outfit of tight black jeans, high heels and my favourite leather jacket. I looked positively fierce and tall enough to stare down any men who dared to make sexist comments about female artists. I'd had enough of those in the day to be able to handle them with an air of cold arrogance.

Four of my paintings would be on display at the gallery tonight. All of them were bright and vibrant pieces, depicting the female protagonist breaking out of her struggles and discovering joy for the first time. It felt like a good omen for my future with Bella. 

Time flew by while I was discussing my work with the gallery owner's husband, and people started milling in. I did my rounds as usual, answering questions with a professional smile on my face. 

There were more than usual. I was busy chatting to a young couple when I spotted Bella at the edge of my vision. My words faltered immediately and I started stammering as I let my gaze wander over her. She was wearing her usual jeans and converse, but she still looked more elegant than all of the people around her in their fancy dresses and suits. 

I excused myself from the conversation and headed over to her in a kind of trance. All I could see was Bella, and she was drawing me in like a moth to a flame.

Her face lit up as she spotted me in the crowd and that gave me all the encouragement that I needed. All anxiety I had been harbouring about seeing her again eased immediately. 

"Hey, Rose! This is awesome!" were her welcoming words. She wrapped me up in a tight hug. I longed to capture her lips in a quick kiss, but I needed to be mindful that she was still new to this and might not want to out herself to a room full of strangers. I had to let her take the shots. Besides, I needed to keep somewhat of a professional appearance in front of potential buyers.

"It's pretty overwhelming, isn't it?" I responded. I turned to greet her friend, but the petite girl I recognised as Alice had already stepped back to give us some space. 

"I'll have a look around," she told us. "You two have fun together." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

"Should we meet up for dinner later?" Bella asked, looking a little confused.

"Oh, no, don't worry about me. I'll find my own way home. See you on campus tomorrow!" She bounced away, her small frame swallowed up by the crowd immediately. 

"Pick someone supportive," Bella muttered under her breath. 

"Do you want to go after her?" I offered. I didn’t want Bella to feel uncomfortable in this unfamiliar situation.

"No, there's no point. Once Alice has made up her mind, she sticks to it. I don't know why she was so eager to come anyway, she isn't even into art."

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s here for the **art** ,” I snorted. Jasper was nowhere to be seen anymore. I didn’t want to imagine what those two would get up to. I was feeling a little sorry for Bella, though.

"What do you want to do?” I asked her. “It’s a lot busier than I thought it would be, so I should probably stay for another hour at least to do some networking."

Bella's face turned thoughtful. "That's fine. I don't mind walking around for a while. I saw some interesting stuff back there." She waved her hand at another room where they had lined up a few statues.

"Don't go splurging on the competition," I joked. "You know where to find me. If you get bored, just come over and we might be able to escape early, alright?" 

Bella took off and I was left to deal with art enthusiasts and potential buyers again, but I couldn't pour my heart into it like before. My mind kept wandering to Bella and what she might be doing now, and what we might do together later. I couldn't help the smile lingering on my face. 

Bella returned a good while later. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were shining. I was just talking to a man who seemed to be very interested in one of my paintings. He was just describing how great it would look over his fireplace and I couldn't help but resent him for his pretentiousness. At the same time, I knew I needed to be nice to him because he'd probably pay a good price. 

Bella had come to stand a few feet behind me awkwardly, waiting for my conversation to end. 

"It seems that I've taken up enough of your time," the elderly gentleman nodded towards her. 

I turned to Bella slightly and acknowledged her presence with a nod and smile. She took that as an invitation to come closer and stand next to me. "I didn't mean to interrupt," she said quietly, a blush spreading high on her cheeks. 

"Oh, no worries, we were almost finished. I'm just pleased that I get to meet you as well. You must be Rosalie's muse, I assume?" 

"Her muse?" Bella sounded a little confused and let her gaze wander over my paintings again. If you looked at them a certain way, it wasn't hard to imagine that I'd been drawing on the inspiration of a lover, even though these pieces had been painted a long time before I’d even met Bella.

I let my arm snake around Bella's hips and pulled her to my side. "I take inspiration in all aspects of life," I answered the man vaguely and hoped that Bella wouldn't mind. She didn't protest my advances and leaned into my touch.

"I see." He gave us an encouraging nod. "I will definitely be back for the auction on Sunday." 

"Thank you, Sir. I appreciate your support." I said my goodbyes, inwardly thanking him for not commenting on my being with Bella. 

Once he was gone, I grabbed Bella's hand. "Do you want to get out of here?" 

"Definitely." She squeezed my hand encouragingly and leaned closer. "You look so hot in this outfit, I can't wait to get you alone." She blushed, seemingly surprised at her own forwardness. 

Her words made my insides turn all warm and tingly. "Let's go, then." Without paying any more attention to my surroundings, I lead Bella out of the gallery. Before I had taken more than two steps into the cool night air, she was on me, hands buried in my hair and her lips on mine, hungrily asking for more. Wow, if I had known that all it took to get Bella this worked up were a leather jacket and a pair of tight jeans… 

My heels were highlighting the height difference between us and Bella had to strain to even reach my mouth, but she didn't seem to mind. I held her tight against me, manoeuvring us a little further away from the entrance so at least people wouldn't stumble upon us right when they left the building. 

Removing myself from Bella's kisses was hard, but I managed it at last. "We should continue this at home," I suggested. All my carefully laid out plans about getting dinner and a romantic date had flown out of the window when Bella had kissed me like that. I couldn't wait to get her back into my bed and finish what we'd started last time. Bella certainly seemed up for it. 

"Yes," she sighed in response to my earlier question, but she still seemed reluctant to let me go. Suddenly, she seemed to remember something. She took a step back and I immediately missed her warmth around me. She started rummaging in her purse and a line appeared on her forehead. 

"What's wrong?" I wanted to know. 

"My car keys are missing. Alice must have taken them." She was blushing again. 

"Seems like she anticipated that you wouldn't need your car anymore tonight." I couldn't help the suggestive tone. "Are you sure you didn't lose them or have them stolen?" 

"You have never seen my car, right? No one in their right mind would even consider stealing that." 

I followed her gaze to a monstrosity of a truck that might once have been red. Those days were long over though and the paint had no chance of concealing various bumps and scratches. If it even started, that must have been a miracle. 

"Alright, we're taking my car," I decided. "Forever. I'm never getting into that thing." 

Bella crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Hey, leave my truck alone! It's been running smoothly for years." 

I snorted "Yeah, years, about fifty of them, I assume." 

Bella looked actually hurt at that and I regretted my harsh words immediately. "I know it's nothing special," she admitted in a tiny voice that made me want to hold her close and dispel all her worries. "But my Dad gave it to me when I had to move in with him, so it's kind of special to me." 

She hadn't talked about her Dad much before, apart from the fact that she'd lived with him as a teenager and that he didn't talk much, but judging from her reaction now, he held a special place in her heart. 

"And your Dad wouldn't mind if you took a girl home in that thing?" I couldn't help the words that escaped my mouth. The need to protect her grew even stronger. I didn't want to frighten her, make her worry about her parents' reaction, but if there was the slightest chance of her losing her family because of me, I needed to give her the chance to make an informed decision. I didn't want her to regret anything later because it had separated her from the people she loved. 

Bella scrunched up her nose, blissfully unaware of my inner turmoil. "Charlie would probably prefer if I didn't take anyone home ever. He's kind of old-school and still thinks I'm his little girl that needs to be protected from suitors at all costs." 

Old-school was the expression that stood out to me. It usually meant conservative, and those people never took that well to their children being different. Mine certainly hadn’t.

"Are you actually worried about this?" Bella was starting to sense that something was off. I needed to get my shit together. 

"No, it's fine," I replied and tried to keep my voice level. There was no need to project my own fears onto her. I had accepted that my parents would never _agree with my lifestyle_ a long time ago.

"Rose, I'm sure that my parents would love you. My Dad doesn't talk much, but I'm the most important person in his life and if I'm happy, he is happy. He might just need some time to get used to it." 

"That's good," I responded, relieved. There was still a chance that things wouldn't work out like that, but Bella probably knew her parents well enough to be able to gauge their reactions. Hopefully, she was right and I didn’t need to pick up the pieces if her family life went up in flames. If she’d even still want me then.

"And, um… I actually already told my Mom about you." She was blushing again, and now I was intrigued. This wasn't really a conversation you casually had with your parents over the phone, was it?

"She came over the weekend after, you know, Mike and I broke up," she explained. "I might have gushed a little too much about how kind and beautiful you were. She was suspicious right away and she encouraged me to go talk to you again. She said she couldn't wait to meet the girl that got her daughter star-struck." 

Her face was bright red now and I instinctively leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips. "You're so cute," I whispered. The thought that her Mom had actually supported her was foreign, but reassuring nonetheless. Knowing that Bella had a solid family background to fall back upon made me feel safer in my pursuit of her, as ridiculous as that might sound.

"What happened with your parents?" Bella asked suddenly.

With the direction in which our conversation had been going, I probably should have expected this question, but it still hit me out of the blue. I didn’t like to think about family or the small town I’d called home and all those memories that came with it. The black hole was back, threatening to pull me back under. 

Bella's arms were around me in an instant, pressing her face into my neck and running her hands over my back soothingly. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked," she whispered apologetically. "I thought it might be a sore subject. I didn't mean to -" 

"It's fine," I heard myself say. My voice sounded distant, like it was coming from a deep well. 

"You're clearly not fine," Bella stated. Her breath on my neck was sending goose bumps all over me and for some reason, her arms managed to keep me from falling apart. 

"No, I'm not," I agreed. 

"You don't have to tell me," Bella reassured me. "Of course I'm curious, but I have no right to know if you'd rather not talk about it."

For some reason, I suddenly felt the urge to tell Bella about everything. Lay myself bare in front of her and await her judgement, hoping against all odds that she wouldn't run away screaming. There was no way around it if I wanted to have a future with her. That was why I'd strayed away from committed relationships until now, but Bella had walked into my life and stomped all over my defences. And I was being overly dramatic about it.

"I will tell you," I told her. I was slowly getting a better grip on myself again. "Just not here, okay? Let's go home." 

We were both quiet during the car ride. Bella's hand rested lightly on my leg, her fingers drawing little circles onto my thigh, but it wasn't sexual in any way, instead a simple, comforting touch. 

We arrived at my apartment way too soon. I kicked my high heels off and threw my jacket over the couch. There was no point in stalling. 

My room that usually represented my safe space felt cold and foreign all of a sudden. I sat down on the bed cross-legged and Bella stood in front of me awkwardly. It didn't feel right. I wasn't ready. But I knew that there was no way out now. 

"Please, sit." My voice sounded hoarse, as if I'd spent hours crying already. That would come later if my past experiences were anything to go by. 

Bella pulled my desk chair over so we were sitting opposite each other. I stared down at my hands that I'd folded in my lap. "You might have noticed that I have problems letting people get close to me," I started, and reprimanded myself for how dumb I must sound right away.

Bella nodded earnestly. "Except for Jasper. You two seem pretty close, aren't you?" 

"Well… Yes, but that's a little different. Our relationship was always a bit complicated. He went away to join the Army when I was fourteen and didn't come back until shit had already gone down." 

"Oh, I didn't know he was in the military. He doesn't behave like it," Bella mused. 

"That's not the point right now, and it's his story to tell. You can ask him about that sometime." As much as I longed for the distraction, telling Jasper's story instead of mine would not get me off the hook. 

"I was sixteen and dating a boy at that time. The whole innocent teenage romance thing, I knew him from school, we went to the movies and held hands, but not much more. We were talking about getting married once we finished high school. Sounds pretty dumb now, doesn't it? 

"One night, he was driving me home after a football game. We were rarely ever alone with each other, always out with friends or at either of our family homes. That night felt special, though. I wanted more. I had read about love in novels and I guess I wanted to impress him. Things got a little more…heated than I’d expected them to.”

I had to swallow a few times and steel myself for what was to come. I didn’t plan to go into much detail, but I could still see it all playing out in front of my inner eye. Thankfully, Bella didn’t push me to continue. She simply squeezed my hand reassuringly and looked up at me those big, trusting brown eyes like I couldn’t have done anything wrong. Her confidence in me was astounding.

"I told him to stop, several times, but he didn't listen. Told me I shouldn't have tempted him and I was just too pretty to go to waste. He -" I had to stop and cover my face as more and more memories came rushing back.

"It's alright." Bella reached out to me again, but let her hand sink before it could reach me. Maybe she was unsure if I was alright with being touched right now. Suddenly, I longed to feel the warmth of her body and the certainty that she wasn't going to leave. Surely this wouldn't set her running, could it? 

"You don't have to tell me any details," Bella whispered. "I get it." She scrunched up her face as if she'd said something wrong. "Not that I have ever experienced anything like that, I'm sure it must have been horrible, I didn't mean to be insensitive."

"It's… fine," I managed to get the words out. I was surprised that I was actually alright with it. I was glad Bella never had to go through anything like it, and if it was up to me, she never would. I would protect her at all costs.

"Is that why consent is so important to you?" Bella had made the connection without prompting. 

I nodded. "I was willing at the start. I wanted him to kiss me. It didn't matter to him that I said no later, he'd already made up his mind what was going to happen. I decided that I never wanted this to happen to anyone else." 

"You're not like him, though." Now, Bella dared to touch my knee and let her fingers rest on my jeans lightly. "You would have stopped as soon as you noticed the other person wasn't into it. You are a good person, Rose, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

"Thanks.” I managed to choke out a small laugh despite the seriousness of our talk. “It’s been years, but sometimes it still haunts me. Maybe that’s why I could never trust a man afterwards.”

“So that’s why you… date girls?” Bella seemed to silently contemplating something.

I couldn’t help but reach out to smooth the lines in her forehead. “Don’t worry, I don’t think he managed to turn me into a lesbian for life.” Humouring the situation had helped me at times, as it did now. “I just didn’t interpret the signs right before, I guess. And it’s not like I could have been out and proud where I grew up. My parents certainly wouldn’t have let me.”

“That’s why you were so worried about mine? Because your parents reacted badly?” She was chewing on her bottom lip again and I was eager to finally finish this conversation so we could get on with some more pleasant activities.

“To say they reacted badly is an understatement.” I thought back to countless arguments and fights and comments that I’d find a nice man to settle down with eventually. “I moved away after high school and never really looked back. I haven’t heard anything from them in years. I don’t think they care about me anymore.”

My voice broke slightly at those last words and I glanced back up at Bella. Her eyes were brimming over with tears of sympathy and she was trembling a little, her free hand clenched into a fist. Was she really mad on my behalf? It had taken me years to accept the situation and realise that I hadn't been in the wrong, and she was just on my side, regardless?

"Please, say something?" I whispered, my voice raw from the tears that were threatening to well to the surface. 

"I'd like to give them a piece of mind," Bella retorted. "How could they ever do that to you, their own daughter? You should love your kids unconditionally, no matter what.”

I tried to blink away my tears. Now I wasn’t only sad for myself, but also grateful that I’d managed to find someone as pure as Bella. "I stopped dwelling on that. It's over and I try not to think about it too much. I moved to a city halfway across the country, and Jasper followed me as soon as he got back from the army and learned all about it. He has been my rock for the past eight years, supporting me no matter what. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have him.”

"I'm glad he was there for you," Bella proclaimed with force. "You need to let yourself be happy.”

I agreed. "I have been a lot happier since I met you," I admitted, surprised at my casual confession of affection. 

Bella's face shifted into a shy smile. "Me, too." She finally gave up her distance and moved to sit on the bed next to me, putting her arm around my shoulders. "Thank you for telling me."

"Of course," I croaked. I leaned into her heavily and burrowed my head at her chest. "Thank you for listening." 

"Anytime." 

We fell asleep together, a jumble of limbs, my eyes still red from crying. We had talked some more, Bella had recounted some of her happy childhood stories, both with her Mom in Phoenix and with her Dad in Washington. Listening to her carefree chatter had calmed the storm raging in my chest to a light breeze. She'd said I made her happy. Me, ever grumpy Rosalie, making someone happy? It was hard to believe, but waking up in Bella's arms to be greeted by her lazy smile made it very hard not to. 

I leaned up to kiss her and she responded eagerly, pushing me back into the pillows. The thought of having a lot more mornings like this in the future put a smile on my face. I could definitely get used to this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, finally finished! Thank you to everyone who read this, left kudos or comments. I hope you enjoyed this little story of mine.


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